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cowboys on soy

a plate of dogshit and a bucket of Altoids

one-armed pushup, all trapezoid

my pet Pit ripped my right arm off… down boy!

my insurance agent sounds annoyed.

freak accidents that keep happening

a new car a week and I keep crashing it

ran into an ATM with free cash in it

allow me to introduce my new E habit

let’s review each candidate

I like Obama, he seems passionate

I like McCain, he’s a maverick

but the fucking guy’s tie’s clashing with his suit jacket

fuck that shit.

how do yall do

my hobbies are towing cars and lawsuits

this is my wife Velveeta

my son Dasani, and my daughter Aquafina

got a brother in the service, another in the circus

Jules juggles better man, they got it backwards

kids, meet your new daddy

I’m filing bankuptcy and moving on my mama’s balcony

and if you think that’s funny, check this

I did a bank robbery with my tank on E and my man on E

because it seems like nothing on the face that all my friends got big closet space

you and your subpoenas can suck penis

Malkovich, the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ remix.

America is David Hasselhoff wacking off with a hacking cough.